Ask anyone if they want to be happy and they’ll surely say yes. The pursuit of happiness has spurned a multi-million dollar business. But the relentless pursuit of happiness is unrealistic. No one is happy all of the time and when people expect to be happy all of the time, they are likely to find happiness an illusive state of mind. As the obsession with happiness has reached great heights, it is only natural to expect an antithetical movement against the happiness imperative. Yet while I agree that happiness cannot be an end unto itself, I caution against embracing the opposite.
One author leading the challenge against the relentless pursuit of happiness is Eric Wilson, whose book “Against Happiness: In Praise of Melancholy” talks to the classical notion of the depressed artist. He applauds the idea that melancholia is the root of creativity. Wilson reacts against one extreme by presenting another. I might add that Wilson is a professor of English; not psychology or psychiatry. Peter D. Kramer, in his book “Against Depression” fervently challenges the romantic notion of the depressed artist; depression is not something to be taken lightly.
The synthesis of these two extremes is the ideal state. One should neither embrace happiness or sadness. I have to admit that I cannot see people running off to “sadness seminars” as they would for “happiness workshops” so my caution is possibly unnecessary. Intended or not, in presenting the extreme Wilson has pulled us closer to the middle path.
In the end, chasing one emotional state or another is inevitably flawed. In chasing happiness we often find ourselves unhappy – life rarely meets our expectations. I chasing sadness we may find ourselves slipping into pervasive sadness and chronic depression (which is not as romantic as you might think – and downright dangerous).
What we should be doing is finding activities that are meaningful and challenging for us. And in doing so we may find ourselves sometimes happy and sometimes sad; but if we are not attached to being happy or being sad and we simply acknowledge these feelings, become mindful of them we may find ourselves content with the way things are.
Hi Pal,
Very eloquent blog! Really resonated with some of my ponderings …
Some additional thoughts:
Philip – The synthesis of these two extremes is the ideal state. One should neither embrace happiness or sadness … In the end, chasing one emotional state or another is inevitably flawed
Ruan – Yes, but … even the concepts of “the ideal state” or “should neither/or” places limitation on understanding, experience and the wisdom that follows from it. It generally implies a preconceived outcome or places attachment on the outcome of the experience. It relates to our tendency to place judgement of good or bad on an experience or outcome, i.e. if it’s not “ideal” or “if I should have, but haven’t” it implies that its not good enough and thus could easily be translated into “unhappyness”. Another way to look at it, is that “it is what it is”. All of our understanding is based on our emotional experience. The only way to truly understand something, that then translates into wisdom stored in our souls, is to experience it. Our reality provides the platform for exactly that and generally facilitates it (directed by our own thoughts and desires – whether we do it consciously or unconsiously) by providing emotional experience of materialised opposites, i.e. to truly understand peace/war or love/hate or rich/poor etc., you need experience both opposites (the degree of which is mostly up to the desire of the soul); i.e. how can I truly know what love feels like if I’ve not experienced hate etc. Happyness in such a frame of mind can then be translated as “glad to have had the experience as I’ve learned and now understand it – irrespective the outcome”. Unhappyness can thus mean “I expected/wanted a different outcome and therefore the outcome is bad or I’m not satisfied with the experience and am therefore unhappy”. It IS thus not a question of chasing or embracing of happyness or sadness, but actually of living the experience for what it is (without judgement) and assimilating it into the soul for understanding and wisdom. That last statement, to me, is what “happyness” is and “In the end, chasing one emotional state or another is inevitably flawed” can actually read “In the end, chasing one emotional state or another is inevitably flawed, but fully experiencing all emotional states brings knowledge, understanding and wisdom” . I therefore fully agree with your final statement – with a few additions from me to broaden the concepts “What we should be doing (allowing ourselves) is finding (seeking) activities (experiences) that are meaningful and challenging for us (will allow us the necessary experience sought by our souls for understaning and wisdom). And in doing so we may find ourselves sometimes happy and sometimes sad (more understanding and wise from the outcome); but if we are not attached to being happy or being sad (to the outcome of any experience) and we simply acknowledge these feelings (experiences for what they are), become mindful of them (translate them into understanding and wisdom)we may find ourselves content with the way things are (happy?)”
It does of course now open the debate of whether there is any objective absolutes in truth (or right/wrong or good/bad), but that is a whole other debate for another time …
Taking part in life allow us to experience happiness and sadness some time or another. People eventually choose how they want to approach life; some prefer to take the middle path and others like extreme sports (like falling in love).
Daoism in layman’s terms (one of many interpretations), you learn to not go against the flow of life, because that will cause friction. You need to read the flow of life and adjust accordingly in order to reach your goals; take the opportunities when they come and reserve your resources when they are not there.
The only message I got from Richard Branson’s book “Just do it” was: Life has ups and downs. Maximise your ups and minimise your downs.
Life by definition has ups and downs. Why do life have ups and downs? There are a few of which one is: our social and natural systems have finite resources. In the quest for everyone to get something (live life), someone has to lose it or not being able to get it (at that moment in time). This continuous struggle leads your life moving between many states of positives and negatives (experienced as either happiness or sadness).
We can even be more “accurate” by stating that life doesn’t make you happy or sad. Life sends energy your way, which disrupts your current state. You can interpret it as positive or negative. Losing a job might make you unhappy, but seeing it as an opportunity to explore another direction, might make you happy. While this will be true for most things, there are some things that are not open for interpretation, like starvation, looming death, etc.
Hey very cool web site!! Guy .. Beautiful .. Amazing ..
I’ll bookmark your web site and take the feeds additionally?
I am satisfied to search out so many useful information here within the
put up, we need work out more techniques in this regard, thank you for sharing.
. . . . .
Comments are closed.